Growing up, I often heard people say I had a different personality. My sister-in-law pointed it out at home, and colleagues at work told me I was unlike the other girls they had met. At first, I didn’t know what to make of it. It sounded like a compliment, but I never enjoyed being praised.
As a child, I rarely received the encouragement I needed. Over time, I stopped expecting it. Then came a phase where I despised hearing praise altogether. Now, when someone says something good about me, I simply smile because I know they have no idea what’s beneath the surface. I realized that there are far more important things in life than seeking or receiving admiration.
There’s a saying: “It took a lot of violence to become this calm.” That resonates deeply with me. The personality I have today is the one I always wished for. I wanted to learn things that sparked my curiosity, to understand how the world works. When I first discovered certain spiritual ideas, I was angry at my mother for not teaching me—but she admitted she didn’t know them herself.
I once saw a trend on Instagram that asked: “If your daughter or son had your personality, would you be okay with it? If not, then change.” But I must say, I want my children to be exactly like me—just without the nightmares and experiences that shaped me. This is the personality I wished I had beside me when I was struggling just to communicate.
Now, I have incredible friends, but there are still things buried deep in my heart that no one knows about. They weigh on me so heavily that, at times, it feels like they could crush me. Yet, I smile because I survived alone before, and I can handle it alone again. But now, I also have shoulders to cry on—so I do exactly that.
Maybe this is why, in my early years, people called me stone-hearted. I never cried. Now, I find myself tearing up over even the smallest discomfort or difficulty. I suppose that’s what happens when you’ve carried too much for too long.
So, when people admire my personality and say they wish they—or their children—could be like me, I can’t accept it with ease. I don’t want anyone to endure what I went through just to become who I am today.
There’s an African proverb that says, “When death finds you, may it find you alive.” In many ways, I feel like I have been dead since I was five, merely completing the rest of my life. That’s why I make myself available for others. I help whenever I can because I know what it’s like to be alone when you need people the most.
If my presence can make someone’s day a little easier or bring a smile to their face, that’s enough for me. I just want people to be kind to one another. Everyone is already fighting their own battles—there’s no need to add to their struggles.
Girl, you’ve been through so much, but you’re still standing strong🫂❤️
Thank you!!!